New Beer Warning Labels

Due to increasing product liability litigation, beer manufacturers are considering placing the following ten warning labels on all beer containers produced in the United States.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical kung-fu powers.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named Franz.

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

 

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